What is it with military wives my age and not being able to support and talk to one another like adults? you know, face to face? I don't know what it is? Is it that I am educated, child-free, have a side business, am happy...I mean, what the heck else is it? Why is that all these above things seem to be thrown back in my face, like they're BAD things? I am proud of my accomplishments and love life, why is that such a threat to others, it appears to me like they're jealous, and for what? I am normal like everyone else.
I have been friends with now 4 military wives (all young mothers with, now that I see it, self esteem issues)kids and low self esteem---2 things I don't have, I am confident-what the hell is wrong with that?
Can women be friends when they're too chicken s*** to talk to each other face to face when they disagree or don't see eye to eye....all 4 of them hid behind technology and email and facebook to communicate, so basically, I had to be the "grown up" and now all 4 of them have seen my face in a final "conversation" and then seen my back walking away, cause they couldn't communicate like adults.
Readers Digest version of the recent DRAMA in my life. [why isn't there any drama with my non military girlfriends....hmmmmmm???]
I HAD 2 good friends who decided to go BEHIND my back and no even speak to me again....had no intention to unless I wouldn't had confronted one. Why? Who knows....
I had 2 friends who were very supportive of my home business and so in love with the products, enough where a friend decided to have multiple parties....frequently....she was a great hostess and we had fun!
So---through wonderful(I say sarcastically) facebook, I find out she all the sudden has a Scentsy website, so I am thinking, so cool, she's finally decided to sign up to be a seller herself(it'll save her some mula), which we had talked about many times. So I go to my website to email her and congratulate her, and to inform the "team" of our newest member....she didn't sign up under me. I am not sure why.....
So I call her, no voice mail, text and email her telling her congrats on signing up and I was wondering why you decided to sign up under someone else since we had talked about it all the time, and because we were friends. You know, plain old curiosity and a bit of feeling bamboozled. Well.....
No news to this day, and she hasn't returned a call, text or email....
It's not about her signing up under someone else, who cares, seriously, I do this for fun and I enjoy it, but she went behind my back trying to hide it, as if she knew what she was doing was unethical. The other "friend" (her right hand) straight up told me, when I confronted her as to why she enabled and supported that kind of behavior, she said she "would choose her over me".....so I decided to wash my hands of both of them.
How rude to do that, to just throw a friendship away over some stupid thing, and then not have the gall to face me or talk to me or just say "I had a friend I signed under her" or something....what a slap in the face. now she's having a party the same date and time as me, real original chick.
What's even worse, is I see her in the grocery store today and say hi to her (cause it is SERIOUSLY the right thing to do)....she doesn't even make eye contact. Now that's immature, you can't even say hi back? How old are we? I don't get it, I don't' want to get it, cause a person like that I don't need in my life; certainly not on my business team.
I do wish her and her family well, and to the friend who "choose her over me", I wish her well too and will be praying for them, because their "christian" attitudes, in all reality, need a little tweaking if they ever want to be taken seriously as sisters in Christ. I tried to do right by me and be accountable for my actions, they just want to run from theirs I suppose.....I tried to handle the situation as Christ would, but it's hard to "turn the other cheek" sometimes. I am working on it.
I guess I just killed "2 birds with one stone"....oh well, guess it's a life lesson. All those women, including myself, we all have lessons to learn, I just think they all need to take a "grown up class" and learn that when you have a problem or issue with someone you TALK to them...but these are the women who don't even tell their husbands when they're upset (cause they tell all their other women friends) cause they think treating him like crap is "their conversation" like that solves the problem...psh.
P.S. I did actually gain another AWESOME business member throughout all this, a mature woman who is honest and we are able to disagree and move on from that (because we can communicate as adults). It's nice to have women in your life who can be honest with you, it keeps you HONEST, and yet after it's all said and done, you can get along. And for that I am grateful to have those friends who are honest back.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Transfer Season
Sooo, it's that time in the "military life", well, at least for the Coast Guard---it's transfer season. The "shopping list" came out (lists where you are able to go based on your husband's rate/rank)...and the excitement, or disappointment ensues.
Well, I don't normally know much about it, expect Kent and I discuss the ones 'we would like to go to' and he picks the one's he'd like to be stationed at. I, unlike a lot of other over jealous wives, don't have a list printed out for me and check mark em off; I trust my husband to pick the ones HE'D like to go to, and then I say "sure" or "what? you're kidding me right?"...It kinda bothers me when the wives know more about the lists then their spouses....but I won't digress.
So, with this list coming out, it may look like, coming out of Key West, we will get a NOT SO GOOD PICK. Kent and I have both thought hard about this, and we hope he get's the one 'he's shooting for'....only time will tell. The Coast Guard's needs come first, not mine, nor his....we just hope our 'needs' and the CG's jive.
So, within the next few months we will find out where "we go next". You know, some people hate that about the military, and others don't care...I have learned this is a choice I made and what happens happens, and I have no power over it. Hopefully God's plan for our lives in the next few year is something we are prepared for, but with God, there isn't anything we can't overcome or face together.
It's like Christmas time in the CG right now, you're finding out whether you will be getting a home made Christmas gift from you grandmother or a kick ass one from your best friend.....
Well, I don't normally know much about it, expect Kent and I discuss the ones 'we would like to go to' and he picks the one's he'd like to be stationed at. I, unlike a lot of other over jealous wives, don't have a list printed out for me and check mark em off; I trust my husband to pick the ones HE'D like to go to, and then I say "sure" or "what? you're kidding me right?"...It kinda bothers me when the wives know more about the lists then their spouses....but I won't digress.
So, with this list coming out, it may look like, coming out of Key West, we will get a NOT SO GOOD PICK. Kent and I have both thought hard about this, and we hope he get's the one 'he's shooting for'....only time will tell. The Coast Guard's needs come first, not mine, nor his....we just hope our 'needs' and the CG's jive.
So, within the next few months we will find out where "we go next". You know, some people hate that about the military, and others don't care...I have learned this is a choice I made and what happens happens, and I have no power over it. Hopefully God's plan for our lives in the next few year is something we are prepared for, but with God, there isn't anything we can't overcome or face together.
It's like Christmas time in the CG right now, you're finding out whether you will be getting a home made Christmas gift from you grandmother or a kick ass one from your best friend.....
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
People who OWN or WANT animals.
Okay, so after my summer reading list goes on, I have just finished up Ceaser Milans' Ceaser's Way. It's a great book, and a great outlook on dog psychology, i.e. how a dog's mind works in retrospect to our minds as humans.
Dogs are a different species, and they don't think like us. THEY AREN'T HUMANS. They aren't a accessory, and they aren't an ornament. They are dogs, taken from their natural world and 'domesticated' by us for OUR satisfaction. They adapt for us, why can't we meet in the middle and try and understand their world, their mind, rather then think a dog, who can't speak, can change into a 4 legged human.
Read this book. Basically, if your lazy, don't get a dog. YOU ARE MISTREATING them if you don't ever take the friggin thing for a walk. It's like a kid, a tired kid is a well behaved kid, less fuss from them. Exercise, Discipline, and Affection......not the other way around, if you don't hold yourself to a disciplined lifestyle, then don't put your poor dog through that. They need to be in a good mental state just like their owner hopefully is.
JMO
Dogs are a different species, and they don't think like us. THEY AREN'T HUMANS. They aren't a accessory, and they aren't an ornament. They are dogs, taken from their natural world and 'domesticated' by us for OUR satisfaction. They adapt for us, why can't we meet in the middle and try and understand their world, their mind, rather then think a dog, who can't speak, can change into a 4 legged human.
Read this book. Basically, if your lazy, don't get a dog. YOU ARE MISTREATING them if you don't ever take the friggin thing for a walk. It's like a kid, a tired kid is a well behaved kid, less fuss from them. Exercise, Discipline, and Affection......not the other way around, if you don't hold yourself to a disciplined lifestyle, then don't put your poor dog through that. They need to be in a good mental state just like their owner hopefully is.
JMO
Monday, August 2, 2010
Oil Spill-AUG 2010
So, I have been deployed 22 days so far. Many to go. It's hot here and the oil is 'disappearing' so to speak. The media is blaming the CG Planes for dropping too much dispersant----I'm not too in tune with who and what is really in charge; I just know my duty is to help find the oil so we can clean it up. I hope the public, even those who are frustrated, know that we in the USCG are just trying to help clean up the oil and get this Gulf cleaned up.
I am so fortunate to be doing my deployment over here in the good ole USA, and to all the women serving overseas is war zones, to you guys, I give my greatest thanks! May we never forget your service and we'll see you when you come back home safe! God bless the USA!
Okay, so what's you're guys/gals opinion on the Oil spill? Who's to blame? Is it being 'cleaned up' to your satisfaction? Do you follow the media/news? What's your thoughts?
I am so fortunate to be doing my deployment over here in the good ole USA, and to all the women serving overseas is war zones, to you guys, I give my greatest thanks! May we never forget your service and we'll see you when you come back home safe! God bless the USA!
Okay, so what's you're guys/gals opinion on the Oil spill? Who's to blame? Is it being 'cleaned up' to your satisfaction? Do you follow the media/news? What's your thoughts?
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Family
We're creeping up on our 2 year anniversary. It seems like we've been together for years...I remember that day, it was one of the best memories I will have. It's a day I started my new life with my husband and became part of his family, but it was also a day I "lost" my family.
To this day, I don't know what transpired, and after 2 years, I am long over it, moved on, from whatever I must have done, obviously it will always be 'our' fault...but that's really not a surprise to me... I learned a long time ago that I was never the little girl they wanted me to be....I thought too much for myself.
I have never really talked publicly about this, as it's really no one's business, but it helps me to write about it...how much, even now, though I am actually resolved and okay with the way it went down, that it hurt a lot. I don't know why. Obviously they didn't give a rat's ass about me, or my new husband, but it really hurt me. It hurt my feelings and my pride; it was embarrassing to me, especially in front of my new family.
I know the Christian thing is to forgive and turn the other cheek. I have forgiven them. But more importantly, I have forgiven myself for whatever I must have done that was such a tragedy that day. I don't know if they will ever understand that talking about it to the people who were actually involved is usually the best way to handle a conflict, but they're too selfish for that; to selfish to admit wrong.
I don't know why they left, and it would be nice to know, but honesty, after 2 years, I have [unfortunately] resolved myself to knowing that when I see them next- if I ever see them again- it probably won't be at a celebratory event. They don't want us at those anymore. I mean, it would just reopen a wound that is healed.
I am not saying I am a saint in all of this. I have no problem admitting if I did something rude or offensive, and I definitely have no problem apologizing for that. No one likes to be wrong or to apologize, but I have learned in my short life, it's not only humbling, it's empowering; it's freedom. It would lift a weight----and it would be complete closure--for me. I am not looking at a friendship, but rather closure......it's not like involvement in each others lives is a reality or even a desire, but an apology is.
I guess I would just like a "fair" shake at this whole thing. I mean, when you hear they're talking about it, a year later to other extended family, that they're talking s*** about you, even if you know it not a shock, it's still rude and hurtful. It gets to you. I guess if they really wanted to move on, they would talk directly to the people that were involved, not spread rumors to those who don't need anymore gossip in their lives. But, talking to me, to us, would constitute admitting some form of 'repentance' or 'wrongdoing'....and in all my time of knowing them, I don't think I have ever seen humility or repentance.
I think it would show true, pure, and honest unconditional love...but honestly, and I have felt this for many years, but I don't think unconditional love was ever anything but conditional for them. It's how I have felt for years, and only now I have I said it verbally (well written it). There was always a price for their love. It always came at a cost.....and this time, BAM- the cost was whatever relationship we had... It's called "consequences for your actions", and it's not like I want to be a bitch about it. I don't.
But I can't let toxic people in my life, family or not; especially when they walk out of the most important day of a person's life. They walked out, and I hope they have looked back and thought about how they could have handled it differently. I know, if I knew what I did, that I would do the same, and hopefully try to mend that wrongdoing.
Well, it was my family. I think, in a way, God is using this as a test in my life..I do not know what will happen, what the ending will be, if it isn't already ended, but it will be a lesson, I am sure. It's like I lost part of my family, but I got a new family; a family who loves me unconditionally. A family who doesn't hold things over my head...a family that WANTS to know me, the real me, and not ostracize me for it.
To this day, I don't know what transpired, and after 2 years, I am long over it, moved on, from whatever I must have done, obviously it will always be 'our' fault...but that's really not a surprise to me... I learned a long time ago that I was never the little girl they wanted me to be....I thought too much for myself.
I have never really talked publicly about this, as it's really no one's business, but it helps me to write about it...how much, even now, though I am actually resolved and okay with the way it went down, that it hurt a lot. I don't know why. Obviously they didn't give a rat's ass about me, or my new husband, but it really hurt me. It hurt my feelings and my pride; it was embarrassing to me, especially in front of my new family.
I know the Christian thing is to forgive and turn the other cheek. I have forgiven them. But more importantly, I have forgiven myself for whatever I must have done that was such a tragedy that day. I don't know if they will ever understand that talking about it to the people who were actually involved is usually the best way to handle a conflict, but they're too selfish for that; to selfish to admit wrong.
I don't know why they left, and it would be nice to know, but honesty, after 2 years, I have [unfortunately] resolved myself to knowing that when I see them next- if I ever see them again- it probably won't be at a celebratory event. They don't want us at those anymore. I mean, it would just reopen a wound that is healed.
I am not saying I am a saint in all of this. I have no problem admitting if I did something rude or offensive, and I definitely have no problem apologizing for that. No one likes to be wrong or to apologize, but I have learned in my short life, it's not only humbling, it's empowering; it's freedom. It would lift a weight----and it would be complete closure--for me. I am not looking at a friendship, but rather closure......it's not like involvement in each others lives is a reality or even a desire, but an apology is.
I guess I would just like a "fair" shake at this whole thing. I mean, when you hear they're talking about it, a year later to other extended family, that they're talking s*** about you, even if you know it not a shock, it's still rude and hurtful. It gets to you. I guess if they really wanted to move on, they would talk directly to the people that were involved, not spread rumors to those who don't need anymore gossip in their lives. But, talking to me, to us, would constitute admitting some form of 'repentance' or 'wrongdoing'....and in all my time of knowing them, I don't think I have ever seen humility or repentance.
I think it would show true, pure, and honest unconditional love...but honestly, and I have felt this for many years, but I don't think unconditional love was ever anything but conditional for them. It's how I have felt for years, and only now I have I said it verbally (well written it). There was always a price for their love. It always came at a cost.....and this time, BAM- the cost was whatever relationship we had... It's called "consequences for your actions", and it's not like I want to be a bitch about it. I don't.
But I can't let toxic people in my life, family or not; especially when they walk out of the most important day of a person's life. They walked out, and I hope they have looked back and thought about how they could have handled it differently. I know, if I knew what I did, that I would do the same, and hopefully try to mend that wrongdoing.
Well, it was my family. I think, in a way, God is using this as a test in my life..I do not know what will happen, what the ending will be, if it isn't already ended, but it will be a lesson, I am sure. It's like I lost part of my family, but I got a new family; a family who loves me unconditionally. A family who doesn't hold things over my head...a family that WANTS to know me, the real me, and not ostracize me for it.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Random Fact of the Day
The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I am curious. I am always "that wife" when I go to functions with the other spouses....not that I feel out of place, but when everyone sits down to talk about how long they were in labor, the baby, contractions, etc....I get annoyed. I don't mean to be rude, I am just asking. Has anyone experienced this [before]?
When I get together with the ladies, someone, somehow, the conversation always turns to kids.....I don't have kids, honestly it's not too interesting to me, I don't mean it rude, and I try to change the subject to a "common" ground subject, but it's always back to the kids....It has limited me in how long I stay at function, etc....cause it's like I don't want to be rude and say "you know, I have heard about your kids/delivery/pregnancy/etc too many times....." but I would like to chat about things that are more interesting to me....
I don't know, I have noticed this more amongst military spouses, and I hate to put a "title" on anyone, and this doesn't apply to ALL MILITARY SPOUSES, but it's like being a mother is all is expected of you---not that THAT'S bad, cause I want to be a mother one day too, but it's like being a mother, staying at home all the time is the norm----if you work and don't have kids, YOU ARE the odd one out.....it's like being mommy and not doing anything for yourself professionally or educationally is 'expected'.
I see the military spouse as a 'dependent'.....I really think the military loves that A LOT of the "wives" are literally DEPENDENT upon their military spouse. I don't feel that I am, and for me, the term dependent is kinda strange... I DO think there are wives that depend on their husbands and DON'T contribute the the family in any way (mother/worker/clean/etc)--for those, I feel sorry for the kids and the husband. I understand if you have issues that impede you from working(serious issues like young young children/health/etc) but I am sick of the complaining about money when the person complaining DOESN'T work....they don't contribute financially to the bank account. [I said FINANCIALLY, I know wives contribute...]
Everything is a choice, so having 2 kids under the age of 5 back to back is YOUR CHOICE, so don't blame your husband for not making enough money, don't bitch about not having enough money when you get WIC, when you don't pay for your house cause you get BAH, etc.......It's just irritates me....essssspecially when you are pissed about money and you say "I hate the military"--excuse me? The military provides and pays for your free milk/juice/cheese, etc, your HOME, your medical, your gas when you go places (within reason)...get real! And shut your mouth when he's gone.....he could be on a air craft carrier, out 8 months...it could ALWAYS be worse. If you didn't want a husband away for a month here, 3 weeks here, back and forth, then you shouldn't have marry a man in the service---don't marry him then bitch about the "cons" later. We all know what it's like when the hubby is gone on deployment, it's not fun, and we wish he was hope, but stop griping, it makes you look like a lost puppy. Embrace it as distance makes the heart grow fonder...you aren't having to work 70+ hours a week to feed your kids, he is....so be thankful and stop winning. It's rude and annoying!
Oh no, here comes the backlash....this is in no way a reflection of EVERY Military spouse (wife) I meet, I just have to vent to someone, and my husband doesn't want to hear it. And I can't talk to most of the women down here about it, cause, well, that's why I am writing this. I know I am a loner and may be perceived as "anti social"; it's not that, it's just that going to a 3 year old birthday party is not something I really want to do. I don't mean it to be rude, I just don't have young ones, I don't want to go to a kids party...and I don't feel offended if I am not invited: I don't have children. I guess I have dug my grave, but I feel like I am the odd duck (not shocked or uncomfortable) just kinda over being subjected to events or get togethers where I hear about babies all night long, No grassy-ass.
When I get together with the ladies, someone, somehow, the conversation always turns to kids.....I don't have kids, honestly it's not too interesting to me, I don't mean it rude, and I try to change the subject to a "common" ground subject, but it's always back to the kids....It has limited me in how long I stay at function, etc....cause it's like I don't want to be rude and say "you know, I have heard about your kids/delivery/pregnancy/etc too many times....." but I would like to chat about things that are more interesting to me....
I don't know, I have noticed this more amongst military spouses, and I hate to put a "title" on anyone, and this doesn't apply to ALL MILITARY SPOUSES, but it's like being a mother is all is expected of you---not that THAT'S bad, cause I want to be a mother one day too, but it's like being a mother, staying at home all the time is the norm----if you work and don't have kids, YOU ARE the odd one out.....it's like being mommy and not doing anything for yourself professionally or educationally is 'expected'.
I see the military spouse as a 'dependent'.....I really think the military loves that A LOT of the "wives" are literally DEPENDENT upon their military spouse. I don't feel that I am, and for me, the term dependent is kinda strange... I DO think there are wives that depend on their husbands and DON'T contribute the the family in any way (mother/worker/clean/etc)--for those, I feel sorry for the kids and the husband. I understand if you have issues that impede you from working(serious issues like young young children/health/etc) but I am sick of the complaining about money when the person complaining DOESN'T work....they don't contribute financially to the bank account. [I said FINANCIALLY, I know wives contribute...]
Everything is a choice, so having 2 kids under the age of 5 back to back is YOUR CHOICE, so don't blame your husband for not making enough money, don't bitch about not having enough money when you get WIC, when you don't pay for your house cause you get BAH, etc.......It's just irritates me....essssspecially when you are pissed about money and you say "I hate the military"--excuse me? The military provides and pays for your free milk/juice/cheese, etc, your HOME, your medical, your gas when you go places (within reason)...get real! And shut your mouth when he's gone.....he could be on a air craft carrier, out 8 months...it could ALWAYS be worse. If you didn't want a husband away for a month here, 3 weeks here, back and forth, then you shouldn't have marry a man in the service---don't marry him then bitch about the "cons" later. We all know what it's like when the hubby is gone on deployment, it's not fun, and we wish he was hope, but stop griping, it makes you look like a lost puppy. Embrace it as distance makes the heart grow fonder...you aren't having to work 70+ hours a week to feed your kids, he is....so be thankful and stop winning. It's rude and annoying!
Oh no, here comes the backlash....this is in no way a reflection of EVERY Military spouse (wife) I meet, I just have to vent to someone, and my husband doesn't want to hear it. And I can't talk to most of the women down here about it, cause, well, that's why I am writing this. I know I am a loner and may be perceived as "anti social"; it's not that, it's just that going to a 3 year old birthday party is not something I really want to do. I don't mean it to be rude, I just don't have young ones, I don't want to go to a kids party...and I don't feel offended if I am not invited: I don't have children. I guess I have dug my grave, but I feel like I am the odd duck (not shocked or uncomfortable) just kinda over being subjected to events or get togethers where I hear about babies all night long, No grassy-ass.
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